Tag Archives: bdsm

Madtown Spank Fest

We are a lucky group here in Madison because we have just enough kink functions to keep most people busy every weekend. It also means that if you are new to Madison and/or the kink community you have an opportunity to learn at Madtown Spank Fest! It is an adult only function but you do not have to any previous knowledge of BDSM/kink to attend. You simply need to have an open mind and be ready to explore.

Now you can go on the website and see more details about presenters (myself included!) and demos but if you are new to “the scene” you may be a bit nervous about attending a mini-convention of this sort. Rest assured your friendly alternative-sex-therapist is here to help walk you through the basics.

1) Do I have to dress up in leather and/or be tied up in front a bunch of people?

This is pretty much one of the first things that always gets asked of me if it is about a convention or a play party. The answer is… no you do not have to do anything … unless you want to. You can wear casual clothing. Also, Spank will have specific times for a play party that you may or may not attend depending on your desire. You may also attend and just watch, I promise it is 100% okay to go and just be a voyeur!!

2) Will people try to talk to me and expect me to know all the terminology/lingo?

Well… some people may try to talk to you because they are friendly and eager to help but you are not going to be expected to talk or answer questions. And a huge part of this event is for new people to come and learn. The organizers really care about helping create a community that is welcoming. So if you want to talk you can, if you want to ask about stuff you can, and if you want to be silent you can do that too.

3) Do I have to know if I am a Dom/Top/Master/Mistress/Sub/Bottom/Slave/Switch before I go?

Goodness no you don’t have to know anything other than an interest in finding out about BDSM… that is it. I swear to you that no one will make you confess you know what flavor of BDSM you happen to like. However, this is a great place to help you discover possible interests and/or leanings you may have in the power exchange arena.

4) What if I don’t like something I see or here?

It is possible that you may go to a demo/class and realize that what you are learning about doesn’t work for you. That is totally okay and you are welcome to leave and wait for another presentation to begin. There is no hard and fast rule that you have to be “into” everything that is displayed. You are encouraged to have an opinion as to what works and what does not work for you personally.

5) What if I freak out?

Well, that all depends. If you feel overwhelmed by all the data that comes your way and it is positive then you can discuss that with others, write about it, go try something, and/or process it in the way that works best for you. If you feel like the whole scene is just too much for you right now then you are encouraged to do similar things as mentioned above for processing as well as perhaps leave Spank earlier than expected.  If you feel like you are enjoying things so much and your life will change forever and you are not sure how to go back to your old self, then I would say seeing someone like me could be helpful as a way to help you learn to accept your evolving sexuality in a positive way.  No matter what, you will have people there and/or in your life that will support you. I encourage you to share your experience with someone you trust in a way that feels safe for you.

Sexuality can be a tricky journey and Spank Fest is just another stepping stone in helping you along your path.  Still, I do know for a fact that if you have questions, are new to the scene, want to learn more, or see things in a safe way then Madtown Spank Fest is a really good place to start. Plus, I’ll be there and you are more than welcome to come up and ask me questions.  That is what I’m there for!

I hope to see you there in just a few weeks!

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Happy and Healthy = Kinky?

A recent study by the University of NSW explores the idea of BDSM among Australians . The study conducted by Juliet Richters and her colleagues wrote in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that, “Findings support the idea that bondage and discipline and sadomasochism (BDSM) is simply a sexual interest “.

I got this link via a friend who got it through Adult Rope Art and it really did not surprise any of us. Does it shock you that someone could be involved in conscious choices of sexuality where there is perhaps some level of physical power exchange?

The average person thinks that BDSM (and most people have heard the term by this point) is either something very serious or very silly. Your friends may joke about wearing leather or maybe you have even thought about going to a Dominatrix but were afraid.

All this is actually good for mainstream America (even if the study took place in Australia). The more BDSM is talked about the more normal it becomes. Don’t believe me? The fact of the matter is that most of us that are sexually active have lightly spanked someone on the butt or held someone down for a passionate kiss.  If you are unsure about if this is BDSM, I’ll tell you… it is!!!

One does not have to dress up, pretend to be someone else, or even do anything extreme to dable in BDSM. The truth is, it is overall much more about sexual exploration, energy exchange, and allowing yourself to go where the moment takes you and your partner(s).  There are no rules as to what is BDSM (even if you hear others tell you so).  If you want to take a specific role, go to play parties, or head out for a special convention on rope bondage that is great. However, you can also cuddle up in bed, playfully tease one another with words,  and nibble on one another’s lips. It is all about BDSM it is just at the other end of the spectrum.

So don’t let these things scare you. You are your own sexual being and as long as there is consent (even non-consensual-consent — another topic for another time) with everyone involved then try something new and see what happens. Before you know it you might realize it isn’t so scary or funny but actually really sexy and someone you enjoy!

Madison WI aka A Kinky Community

A few months back I was interviewed by John Mendelssohn for an article on the Madison kink scene for Dane 101. I figured it would be questions about what I thought about the scene as a therapist in the community. Turns out Mr. Mendelssohn had a great number of truly interesting questions about my ideas on sexuality, kink, and the goodness of the two.

We talked for at least thirty minutes and I came out wondering what exactly would be used for the article. The results of the article can be found here It’s Easy To Be Kinky.  I admit that knowing pretty much everyone that Mendelssohn spoke to for the article made me smile. I enjoy the alternative sexuality community in Madison and am pleased that it would overall get such a positive review.

I must say that beyond all I think Mendelssohn did take away from his discussion with me one of my core beliefs as a therapist.  He quotes me in regards to those women that make the choice to be submissive by saying, “I celebrate their having the courage and strength of character. In my practice, I don’t want anyone, regardless of what may excite them, to feel pathologized.’

I believe that each one of us has a core sexuality. That may be all about making love, cuddling, sharing pillow talk, and falling asleep in each others arms afterwards. Or one’s sexuality may be about creating a shared experience with various levels of power exchange, pleasurable pain, and aftercare where everyone comes back to center again. Whatever version of sexuality you enjoy please remember it is an expression of yourself and it is beautiful.