I was interviewed for the wonderfully sex positive based group Good Vibrations.
I’m so proud to be a part of their Sex Educators Organization. It is an honor to be among such an amazing group of individuals that care so deeply about advocating, empowering, and supporting sexuality in all its glorious forms.
Conducted by Dr. Charlie Glickman
What led you to become a sex educator?
Looking around, I originally faced an astounding lack of sex positive supports for alt sex practices. Most therapists truly want to help, but hardly any are actually familiar with alternative sexuality. Today, I get to be the one to share authentically with others hoping to speak freely about kinks, fetishes, non-monogamy, sacred sexuality and more.
What kinds of sex education do you offer?
I work with individuals, couples and multiple relationship formations to explore sexuality within full lives. When called upon to speak at conferences (of kink groups, of therapists) or at broader gatherings, I inevitably promote acceptance of alt sex options. My passion is helping others discover sexual identities.
Where did you get your education in sexuality?
Before grad school, I shopped for therapists to process my own experiences with and early ideas on alternative sexuality, and found no one truly confident and interested. So, it became best to just learn psychology much more broadly — and then build a lot of bridges to specific interests on my own. I chose my college, and an associated counseling “school” (systems therapy), as firm foundations for those bridges among decades of really impressive therapeutic experimental results.
Systems therapy is all about smoothly advancing on multiple fronts with each client instead of linear cookie cutter methods. I see much faster results (fewer sessions for more progress) than we could with any one approach. Even in the moments of focusing on alternative sexuality, my therapeutic approach uses many other factors in a person’s life — especially their own strengths.
What do you love about giving sex advice?
It feels amazing to empower each other to live life fully and incorporate sexuality as a part of core being. Even my earliest work revolved around alt sex clients, and naturally incorporating even the wildest fantasies is crucial to my mission.
What is your most common question?
“What exactly IS alternative sexuality?” I answer that it is any form of sexual desires or ideas that aren’t currently considered mainstream.
What is the most difficult or hard-to-answer question you’ve ever received?
“Why do people hate me for my desires?” This question breaks my heart. We all feel such turmoil when treated harshly. It makes me want to build stronger and stronger senses of self.
What is your favorite sex toy or product and why?
I recommend Astroglide, spare parts harnesses, magic wand, cb3000, and good quality leather cuffs/paddles, floggers. It all depends. I find I always recommend different books as well.
How do you think your website is different from others out there?
I’m automatically different in the regular world of therapists, from the focus on alt sex. Beyond that, most new clients come to me mentioning that my blog seems otherwise honest, smart or unusual. I’m just a real person with a calling and passions for alternatives and acceptance — and I guess that comes through in every medium.
Most unusual panel or experience?
I had been “the therapist” at a number of alt sex conferences…but I could still be surprised to find myself on a public panel spontaneously musing on necrophilia.
What was the most interesting thing you learned in your exploration of sex?
That each one of us truly is a distinctive sexual being — and that its various expressions really tie to so much of how we see ourselves.
How has Good Vibrations helped you?
GV is great for my clients because it is so open about sexuality. GV seriously promotes acceptance of alt sex . GV’s simple existence on the net and at conferences does so much for the community in general. In our local community, I know GV takes roles in helping presenters, podcasts, and conferences provide explorations of products and ideas.
What would be your number one piece of advice for someone interested in a career of sex education?
Be authentic to your own passion. You’re probably drawn to this field precisely because you feel it crucial to speak from a place of real honesty and truth: so, if you are going to go into this field, know that plenty of others will dislike you for exploring threatening ideas. Make sure that the good you are doing far outweighs their fears.
What’s the best thing you’ve learned or best advice you’ve received?
That it’s a gradual and powerful series of achievements to accept yourself as a sexual being deserving respect, and no one can take that away from you. And, that you remain free to keep discovering and developing.
Where can people find out more about you?