What is real change?

Here is the thing about change that most of us forget about… some days are going to be rough. I mean really-burst-into-tears/pull-away-for-unknown-reasons/get-angry-over-nothing/and-become-super-quiet kind of rough.  The truth is, there is a lot of emotional investment wrapped up in change. We have such great intentions and in our minds this translates into almost instant perfection.  However, reality rarely falls into line this quickly.

Change is messy… if it was so easy and clear we would have done it long ago. Instead we know what we know… when we know it.  This often means that we want to change, we move the ideas around, we push against our insecurity/fear and activate some sort of action.  There is this one little piece though…. that is vastly important. Feelings.  They  usually don’t respond exactly as we would like considering  this big plan of change. We have it all mapped out with our beautifully crafted responses and well.. somehow in the middle… it doesn’t happen that way and BOOM we freak out.

Before you know it… there are feelings everywhere… and we wonder what happened, how it all got this intense, and what exactly we are supposed to be doing anyway? Well, what happened was that you were doing exactly what you were supposed to be doing. You were working on change! I know, it sounds like a total cop-out… but it isn’t. Really, I promise you.  Your expectations of the way change happens are as outdated as where you were before you even started the process.

Change isn’t some bit of magic that overcomes us without warning. Sure it may feel like a huge light bulb goes off, but really it happens in small moments. We might just decide to hold our tongue for once, soften the approach, share a bit more, or try something new. It isn’t about big grand gestures (although we often want it to be and create such).  It starts the moment we become aware of something we want to strive towards within ourselves. Change is about the positive momentum within our psyche. It is at its core, the best in possibility for our potential.

We integrate as quickly as our system can handle it. It is all perfectly choreographed, hence you can try to push it but your psyche is built to take care of you. So if you push beyond, you are going to have an emotional reaction. This is perfectly normal, you should have something telling you things are a bit weird.  You are in the midst of change, it is all weird and uncomfortable and wonderful. All of this is the round about way of saying that, if you really want to know that change is happening you will most likely be in the center of some rather intense feelings, awkward situations, and confusing thoughts.  And if you really want to know that integration of this change has taken place, just take a quick moment to glance back at every little tiny step it took to get to where you don’t even realize a shift.

Allow yourself  some moments of pride even when emotions run high … because change is happening right there!

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