JSJ Therapy In The Media

By Dickinson
Daily News staff writer

Technology and dating?

Not exactly a seamless combination.

In fact, many of us in the New Boomers generation wonder when to call? When to text and when is it appropriate to send a Facebook message?

Or, perhaps the most important question should be: What happened to old-fashioned face-to-face communication?

“When using other tools such as texting and Facebook, you’re not guaranteed you’re interacting with the person you think you are, and it also doesn’t give you a complete picture of who the individual is,” she said.

In fact, 93 percent of first impressions are based on what you see; just 7 percent is based on words, she said.

For some specific clients in long-term relationships, however, sending a text or a quick e-mail that says “I can’t wait to see you,” has been shown to light the fires of romance or intimacy that perhaps they were missing after being together so long, said Jasmine St. John, who specializes in relationships as a licensed therapist at JSJ Therapy in Madison, Wisconsin.

Also following a prospective suitor on a blog or Facebook can give you insight into how that person communicates and interacts with others, St. John said.

For example, it could be a red flag if the person is mean to someone on Facebook or it be an encouraging sign if you see the person is active in charity.

Instant communication is also a great way to keep in contact during the day for couples in new relationships who are experiencing brain chemicals that are making them crazy in love.

“We also have a bigger network to declare your love,” St. John said. “Before it was just the classic idea of a big airplane in the sky saying ‘I love you.’ Now you can tell the whole world.”

That community aspect where everyone in your Facebook network is updated on your social life can also be a detriment in situations such as when everyone finds out you experienced a break-up.

The constant communication may also be a negative because it can accelerate the relationship too quickly causing couples to burn out on the relationship, especially when the individuals begin to lose the brain chemicals making them infatuated.

Regardless, texting doesn’t make a great first impression because it is so casual and informal.

“But some clients have such anxiety about asking someone out in person that for them and the level they’re at even sending an e-mail or “hug” on Facebook is a step forward,” Jasmine said.

Nevertheless, if frustration ensues from a partner texting or e-mailing too much, Bockman recommends saying, “I enjoy hearing from you, but this isn’t the way I prefer to communicate.”

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