We often fall into the trap of sensing that the emotions we are having this very moment are so real that they are facts and they will last forever. When we are so overwhelmed by our emotions it clouds how we see our life and those around us. The other side is that we are so sure that our emotions have such super strength that we avoid getting close to them. Either way I’m here to tell you emotions are not as strong as we give them credit for. They are powerful insight into what is going on within but they are not the end-all-be-all.
First up is that you are tired, worried about something, life events move in a direction that appears negative, and before you know it you are angry. You start lashing out at people that you love and the emotions just seem to take over. You can’t seem to find your balance …. you know that what you are doing doesn’t make for good healthy relationships but you can’t help yourself. Or so you think. Trapped in a spiral of negativity you feel bad, you attack others, and all this creates a bad situation. It grows and before you know it you feel like the world is crumbling down. You feel certain that you can’t handle things and that life will just continue on this way which of course adds to the feeling that you can’t handle what is going on.
Second is the approach that perhaps things are not going bad at all, instead they are going great. Your new relationship is going well and your partner just expressed their love to you. You can feel the energy in the room shift and your partner looks at you to get a response as to how you feel. You turn cold. You feel yourself pull away on the inside. You don’t want to be afraid of this wonderful person but you have been hurt in the past. That hurt felt terrible and you never want to feel that again. So you turn off the happy connecting feeling so that down the road you don’t have to feel possible hurt. Again the emotions feel so huge that you can’t handle them.
One embraces the emotions as everything and the other ignores the emotions because they feel they are everything. Same coin, different sides. Feelings are a response to stimuli. They are the result of data coming in and being processed. How they are processed can be sound and valid or it can be based on passed issues that trigger a not as sound response. This is why we look for other things within us (and sometimes outside of us) to help gauge.
Feelings are transitory. Don’t believe me? I am sure you can think back to a super happy wonderful time and then one event turned it all around. I had a birthday party as a child and was thrilled and then it started raining and I felt horrible. I went inside feeling it was ruined and no one would like me. Stuff happens. One emotions can change into another.
You did not wake up thinking you would be happy every single moment but funny how our minds when we are upset think we will be unhappy for every single moment to come. It is a nasty trick we play on ourselves. So when you are dealing with feelings you don’t like or not dealing with them because you are so afraid of them, you are not in balance. Emotions are reactionary. They are creating your reality as opposed to you being proactive with your thoughts and creating it for yourself.
So when a situation occurs where you feel overwhelmed by emotion or want to escape them, try to remember that you are in control of your thoughts. You have the ability to consider HOW you are viewing your emotions. How you view the day as negative or positive helps balance what emotions you respond with. So if you are having a really bad day you will probably respond more negatively. You know this and take it into consideration and check yourself and your responses. If you are unsure if you are making choices that you would make in a more calm state of mind then take a moment, a day, a year, and really look at the situation. Evaluate what is going on and what others might do that you respect and see if you feel you are on track.
And if you are afraid to feel hurt or sadness or negativity and you run from it by not experiencing those emotions. They have a hold on you just as strongly. Emotions are not reality and if you allows yourself to feel sad you will not feel sad forever. It is hard and scary to deal with but even your levels of sadness rise and fall so you have proof that it isn’t all the same. And at the end of the day they are just feelings… they pass and move and change and you can handle that. If you try feeling your feelings (such a therapy phrase) and you get scared that is okay. Take it as an opportunity to learn a fuller spectrum of emotions with the knowledge that they shift and you are in control of the thoughts you have around your emotions.
Feelings are not facts. Feelings are not facts. Feelings are NOT facts.
Say it over and over again until you have a handle on how to deal with your emotions.