Why Couples Counseling Works

So you and your partner are having problems. Most people like to say  “We have problems communicating” however the truth is you and your partner communicate extremely well. You both make assumptions, you read body language, and you know what to talk about and what not to. You are so skilled at communicating you have almost forgotten how to directly.

Couples therapy takes a fresh look at how you two work together, live together, love together. All of a sudden there is a 3rd party who is asking questions, probing in areas that are typically off-limits, and providing skills for handling things differently. It can feel like a train wreck and a saving grace all at once.

The good parts are that you are rediscovering how to understand your partner. The scary part is that you are rediscovering how to understand your partner. While you were silent you could just pretend and now that things are out in the open you can not look away, this is terrifying and exciting.

You come to see your therapist on a regular basis to help deal with the huge fights, put out small fires, and restructure how you deal with differences, resentments, sharing loving, and becoming closer.  Therapy is your safety net for a while  it allows you to want to change but not know how in a safe environment. You don’t have to have all the answers because you are in therapy to figure out at least a handful of them. In therapy the two of you (or more) can have a structured place to yell, scream, love, be vulnerable, and learn together. Inside the therapist’s office everyone is safe to be themselves and learn to care for each other in new ways without the feeling of being all alone and expected to know the ropes.

And after a while once you figure out that you still love your partner even if you want to sometime scream from the mountaintops, you incorporate the skills you need to self-soothe, take time from an argument, or change your wording to help a fight slow down, then you are on your way towards change.

Never mistake these few paragraphs for something easy. Couples counseling will change your and your partner and you will hear things you never thought would be said in one direction or the other. However, in the end finding out who you are and who your partner really is in the most honest real way possible will only help the relationship even if that moves toward friendship or a more intense love then you have ever experienced before together.

Your relationship is worth the effort… as this is your life your are living and you deserve the best!


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