I say a lot of things that people do not want to hear in therapy. I will ask questions, name things directly, and confront clients on issues that are sensitive. That is part of my job to encourage each person to find their personal truth. I am there to push, challenge, and support each client in ways that help them reach their specific goals.
With all of this said, there still remains some areas of discussion that are difficult. People know they are coming in for therapy and that it is going to be work. Yet, no one wants to admit what is really true for all of us if we are in a relationship long enough.
So, I’ll say it for you here just like I do to clients… There are times you will love your partner and there are times you will hate your partner. These are not mutually exclusive. Sure sure, people tell you all the time they have experienced this but it is very rare that you will hear this kind of directness while someone is actually in the relationship they are talking about.
It is common place to say that you love your partner. However, it is rare to hear someone say “I really dislike you right now.” I don’t mean this phrase is said out of anger or fear, just a real truth in the moment just like you say you “really like someone” in a moment of truth. We are so afraid of being who we really are often due to a fear or being left that we then keep everything pushed down. From there we begin to feel a disconnection as we are not being authentic and quickly this can lead to resentment.
Now, hear me correctly … having this kind of openness isn’t right for every couple. Literally there are some couples that if they say this the relationship would break apart. I’m not suggesting you be mean, cruel, or hurtful. I am suggesting that the more open, honest, and direct you are in a loving way the better chance you have for longevity within your relationship.
When you can express in a loving way that you are experiencing dislike, as much as like, in certain circumstances the better the chance that you will be able to express everything else in the middle. It is a hard truth but I guarantee you WILL have times where you can’t stand your partner. It is my belief that the better we are expressing such things the better we are at dealing with such things and the better we are of having the real relationships we want.
It takes time, practice, and trust to be able to build towards being able to tell your partner that they make you crazy … because the moment you are being that honest is the moment you see how they deal with it. That can be scary but learning how to be your true self within your relationship will ultimately lend itself to far more good times than bad AND you will have the emotional security to deal with the bad in a more directly healthy way.
So be brave in a caring form and express who you really are… it is my understanding that your partner will at first be scared to death and freak out but it is my hope that in the end respect and love you all the more for it.