The Breakup

Ending a relationship with a partner is hard. It doesn’t matter who ended it because the relationship dynamics are forever changed.  Perhaps this is just some “time apart”, a separation, or full on break up… but one thing remains the same, this kind of change hurts. Oh sure, with time it gets easier we might even be thankful it happened later on, but in the moment it is crushing to our core.

What do you do the first moment you are alone after a break up? Some of us cry, scream, sit silently in a ball, or any and all of the above. There is no direct method on how you are supposed to feel when something like this happens. No matter which end you are on of the break up, even if it is mutual-healthy-positive, anywhere from a few days to a few years you are going to be a bit fragile.

I know that may not be what you wanted to hear. We read all these books and see all these movies about how to handle a break up but the truth is, the process varies from person to person.  Also, there is a lot of hype about the “right way” to heal from a break up. Here is another truth, there is no “right way” to really do much of anything. Again, I know this is something you are not really eager to hear.

The basics remain do your best to take the time you need to be sad, wallow a bit, and have a pity party. Come on… this was a relationship you should mourn the loss. But the rest, it all depends. For some the traditional rebound sex-relationship is a horrible ideal while for others it is just what the doctor ordered. How about going out and getting drunk at a few bars? Well, in general I wouldn’t recommend it for safety reasons, however if you take a friend and don’t drive then numbing the pain a little bit might help you get over the hump.

Once you have felt the pain and sadness and yes anger let us not forget that one, you can move right on to the healing process. It all sounds so easy, but it isn’t.  You might need to surround yourself with friends or be all by yourself to get to the point of moving on. Maybe you need to dive into your work, your church, or family to get past the icky parts that keep creeping up. Some may take solace in talking with their therapist every week to gather strength. In the end it doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you go easy on yourself, you allow your feelings to take as much time as they need to process, and that you learn from the relationship both bad and good to make choices that will work for you in the future.

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