5 ways to beat anxiety

A number of clients I work with deal with issues around anxiety. Certain situations, ideas, people, and emotions can put them in an uneasy place. There are a number of ways to bring yourself back to center when you are feeling anxious.  However, time and time again, I find that one of the most direct, easy, natural,  and cost-effective approaches involves your 5 senses.  It sounds easy enough AND it is.  Let’s say one might be feeling a great deal of stress over a new work environment. It takes a lot of energy and strength to take on a situation where you are the new person. Hence, you want to really be focused and at your best when you interact with the new co-workers. You feel your heart race, your mind starts thinking of worse case scenarios, and you feel your palms begin to sweat.   Is the perfect time to find some clarity within reality around you.

Often we create a situation in our head along with words, emotions, and intent. Very rarely do any of these things relate back to reality but it doesn’t matter, the brain processes the response. It is a good thing to bring the mind back to a place where it can handle the information being brought into the system (aka: reality check). When you have the sense that you can come back to what is real, stop the chaotic thoughts, and bring your emotions back to center… one realizes very quickly that being able to handle anxiety provoking situations is much easier than expected.

Here is how it works …. you feel spinning thoughts/emotions

and then you stop and focus on each of your 5 senses

Ask yourself a question about each and then answer it.

Example:

Close your eyes and take a deep breath  in and out…

What do I smell around me right now? Answer.

take a deep breath in and out

What do I hear around me in this very moment? Answer.

take a deep breath in and out

What do I taste right now?

take a deep breath in and out

What do I feel physically in this spot? Answer.

take a deep breath in and out

Open your eyes:

What do I see around me in this instant? Answer

take a deep breath in and out

And you are done!

You can answer as quickly as you want with as many or few answers as you like out loud or in your head. None of the details matter, all you are looking to do is stop the regular process of how your mind/body interrupts the current data. The idea is that what fires together wires together… if you have wired in that these ideas, actions, and emotions are anxiety producing then your brain will react as you have taught it. Hence now you are teaching it a new ways.  It might feel a bit mechanistic at first but you are strengthening a connection that you haven’t had for a while. That connection is to allow your mind and body to take in information and to process it in a calmer way. So the moment you start the 5 senses experience you have already shifted the brain’s response. You are already succeeding and it is impossible to feel the same level of anxiety as your brain is working in a different way than it had before.

This approach works! It is getting yourself to do it … and you pretty much have no excuse… you can do it anywhere with anyone else around and it is totally free. Give it a try and see how it goes. Enjoy having less anxiety! Think of what you will do with all that time and energy now… time to live life!

 

From anxiety to curiosity

Yesterday, I attended a networking function. You know the type, people standing around in a room with business cards in hand and an agenda in mind. The context of this environment is one of constant social maneuvering. One is supposed to be friendly but not too personal, professional but not unapproachable, informative but not detailed. This maze of unspoken hoop-jumping often brings up anxious feelings for individuals.

It isn’t hard to imagine feeling a bit intimated by the whole process, because each one of us has been in the situation.  The main idea is that you are supposed to sell yourself as 100% confident, when really what you feel is nervous and overstimulated by the people, conversations, and expectations. It can be difficult and exhausting to say the very least. You compare yourself to those that appear to glide through the process wishing you had that skill set. And in your more honest moments you most likely think about how, at least, you are not as uncomfortable seeming as the man in the corner looking down at his feet as if to avoid any and all interaction.  There is a spectrum of possibility. You fall somewhere in the middle…some days on the lower side and others on the higher.

It is pretty obvious that this scenario is rather common but not exactly ideal. We want to feel positive, interesting, and self-assured when interacting in group situations. So what happens when the frazzled feelings of insecurity take hold?

Consider looking at the situation with curiosity instead of anxiety. The moment you feel that speedy heart rate and think way too many negative thoughts… just ask yourself questions about other people and start paying attention to how they interact. The idea I often call “going meta” where you take a bird’s eye view of the situation and look at it as if you were working to understand it rather than be directly within it. Here are a few example questions:

Why did that person pick that outfit to wear?

What do I think about the conversation I just overheard?

Did that person just flirt with another person?

What exactly would create a situation as to where I would go and talk with that person?

How did that person just insert themselves into the conversation with ease?

What allowed that person to actively engage in friendly banter?

When did that person decide to move on and talk to another?

How does the conversation flow for the person that everyone is talking to?

There was a group of three men talking with one another in a more casual way. It gave the impression that these people knew each other and had more reference of one another beyond just this event. One man was very tall, wearing all black, and standing in such a way as to portray he was more in control of the conversation. One could watch his stance, his body language with the other men, and follow his eyes to see what was keeping his attention.  And when one listened to his words, it would be easy to pick up that he was a massage therapist, English was not his first language, and that he had opinions about current events. Without ever saying a word, one could pick up a tremendous amount of detail. This was a man who appeared confident, aware, and might be considered intimidating to others.

There is a natural moment of approach anxiety with any new person or group. However, that very human moment can be transformed into the skill set of learning about another person. Walking up to this man with a big personality could be daunting. Yet, when you take on the moment as an experiment to discover as much as possible about him, then it becomes less about how you will be afraid or make yourself appear foolish. It instead becomes about connecting with another person on various elements of the conversation. And isn’t this what we are all hoping for anyway? We want people to enjoy talking with us, feel at ease, and want to spend more time together. This happens when we are genuinely curious about life, ideas, and even the random foreign massage therapist at a networking event.

All it takes to move from anxiety to curiosity is to ask yourself and those around you questions. Give it a try to see how it shifts the dynamics!